I Had a Weird Operation

"WARNING! I recommend that you do not Google images, It's super gross!"

Dear Caravaners,

The 31 August was a very crazy day considering I was admitted to hospital for an operation, not the greatest day of my life, but I figured since I have been discharged I can finally tell you all what happened and why I needed the operation because I know there are a lot of you saying “wait!!! You were in hospital?”…

So here is the Medical Journal for special case Gypsy Caravan and her Travelling Spinal Lump…

Saturday, 27 August 2016

I was working the closing shift at work today (11:30 to 8:00) as scheduled, and figured since I had the morning off I could sleep in a little bit and just spend the morning relaxing before having to go to Eastgate.

I bathed and washed my hair. I had breakfast and took my time getting ready for work. During all of this, there was a very dim, sharp pain at the very bottom of my spine, on my coccyx if you prefer, and I thought that it was quite strange considering the fact that I don’t remember bumping it or doing anything stupid prior to Saturday. Anyway, me being me, chose to ignore it.

I drove to work and I will admit it was a little uncomfortable but I could still manage.

I spent the entire day on my feet working, as one would do working in retail, and even though I could still feel a bit of an awkward pain in my bum, I didn’t think much of it?

I went home that night and slept like a corpse as I normally do. My entire day was completely normal other than the fact that I now had a dull pain in my ass.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

I was in quite a bit of pain this time around. I was stiff and was struggling to walk and it felt as though over night my coccyx decided to just give in. Now being one to have a bruised coccyx before I assumed I was having the same issue again and of course again thought nothing much of it.

Again I got ready for work and went and spent the entire day at work on my feet only this time I did battle a little and some of my girls on counter noticed this. So I have witnesses!

Driving was now proving to be a challenge as I was now having to try and drive a car sitting on one butt cheek and leaning over onto the passenger chair to steady myself and drive and turn with one hand on the wheel (pretty safe right? it gets better)

I still sat through a church service that evening and drove back home after that!

Sleeping this night was a bit more difficult as I could feel I was putting more pressure on my lower spine and coccyx and my walking pace was getting slower and slower as my bottom felt as though it was getting stiffer and stiffer. I was turning into a penguin!

Monday, 29 August 2016

Today was the day I promised my little sister that we wold go to the Beauty Expo together. I woke up moody and in a lot of pain, and still brushed it off thinking I have bruised my coccyx or it will click itself back into place. I still drove my sister to Mac Donald's and to Midrand where the expo was being held – in traffic might I just add- putting more strain on my butt because now I was trying to use clutch control to control the car in traffic. I drove with a pillow under my ass to try and make it more comfortable but it really wasn't. I spent the most part of the morning at the beauty expo in quite a bit of pain as it was walking and getting pushed and trampled on by other people, this put me in the best mood ever! Not really? My left leg started going lame because it was the leg I was dependent on and it was the side I sat on the most. My sister and I left early and sat in even more traffic because let’s face it NO ONE in South Africa can drive properly:)

I got home and it felt as though someone had shoved a fire cracker up my ass because it was burning and my entire butt had gone numb and it was just too much to bare.

This night was the first night I took pain killers and had put Deep Heat on my back to try and ease the pain away because the next day I was due back at work again and I was not going to have this on counter!

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

I have now officially given up! I woke up that I could barely walk, my bum was stiff, I couldn’t even pee I was so sore, but I still got ready for work and I still drove myself to work.

I got to the counter and carried on as if nothing was wrong until all my girls started noticing that I was walking like a stiff penguin. One of the girls sprayed a muscle relaxer spray on me which burned for a while but actually helped nicely, while rubbing my lower back out she said she could feel a knot and I thought it was just a tense muscle – she also gave me a voltaren pill – which helped but made me hella nauseas, first because I hadn’t eaten anything that morning. I was dizzy for days and was lying on the counters floor to cool myself off because my fever sky rocketed. Eventually I just thought let me go home – I feel like I’m dying and I’m about to pass out.

I drove to my parents house and got myself food along the way as well and I lay on the couch for the rest of the day.

It just was not getting better at all. I wasn’t sitting or lying down comfortably anymore – I was frustrated and miserable and just not happy.

I had dinner with my parents and still somehow managed to help wash dishes? The drive home was torturous and how I got up the stairs to my flat is a mystery.

This night was the absolute worst out of all the nights. I showered and had the head angled on my back to try and ease the pain away. Didn’t help. Took a double dose in pain killers- helped but didn’t take away the pain. I applied more deep heat – again nothing, but in applying the deep heat I felt a big, hard lump on the base of the tail bone, which Nadia pointed out to me at work earlier that day? I shuffled to the mirror to have a better look and there it was – I had a lump the size of a bubblegum ball on my spine/tail bone.

That was me. I cried myself to sleep. But then couldn’t sleep because the only position I could comfortably be in was kneeling against the bed. I was back and forth between my bed and my french bed the whole night. I was done!

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

I didn’t sleep at all but rather just lay in bed with my eyes closed. I woke up, called my manager and said to her I can't come in today because I am in so much pain. I got up out of bed - unlocked my door and made coffee. I smsed Trav to come take me to the doctor because I wasn’t about to attempt driving now. I had another cup of coffee and managed to get dressed.

I got to my GP and waited around for a long time before I got called in, kneeling on the floor of course. My GP is an amazing man who has helped my family for years!!!!! Anyway I bent over the bed and I say to him I have a lump. He asks me questions about when? where? and how? I got it while calling in a nurse to help undress me and get me up on the bed.

He pushes and prods and pulls on the muscles and skin around the lump and of course I wince in absolute pain because it felt like Electricty bolted up my spine.

He says “This is not good, you have to be admitted today! You have left this to late”

So I say “Into what? hospital?” Like duh? Where else? I start asking questions to which I got no answers to because he was so busy trying to phone the hospital for me. My heart started racing and I felt years pricking my eyes. I’ve never been in hospital before. Ever! Like since the day I was born?

He says to me I have a Pilonidal Cyst and it has to be cut out today because it is very toxic.

“A Pilonidal cyst is a small cyst or abscess that occurs in the cleft at the top of the buttocks (crack) And usually contains hair, dirt, and debris. It can cause severe pain and can often become infected. The cyst is very common in young men.”

"Young men? But I am a girl? Explanation please?"

So now I feel like bursting into tears because essentially that means an op with lots of cutting near the spine.

He had the receptionist escort me out to get details of the hospital and the doctor who is going to be doing my op.

I tell Trav to call my mom because there was no ways I would be able to tell her without crying. I’m such a sissy.

Trav drives me to the hospital and we check myself in and sort out my medical aid authorization.

I waddle to the ward and the nurses show me to my bed. I flop down onto it and they have me fill in a million and one forms.

My entire family show up at once and they start crowding around my bed. I have never been so happy to see everyone because I was scared and nervous and have never been in this situation before. The nurse told me to get dressed in the hospital gown and to remove all my piercings which of course took forever and I had to get my sister to take them out for me because I couldn’t do it myself hehe.

A doctor came in and checked up on me and did some tests like blood pressure and so on. Then they told me it was time and that they were going to wheel me out.

I started getting teary eyed as I saw my family walk next to my bed and then stop because they could go no further with me and I saw everyone started getting teary so I wanted to cry as well. Such a cliche movie scene?

I was wheeled into theater where I met my operating doctor. He told me what would happen, how they were going to cut out my cyst and that it wouldn’t be a long procedure. An hour tops.

Again I was wheeled into another room, the operating room. The doctors and nurses started putting drips in me and strapping masks on my face. The doctor told me to start rolling over onto my back the minute I didn't feel the pain anymore which was like in no time at all.

I woke up to the sound of someone telling me to wake up, I felt them pull the pipe out my mouth and pull out something from my nose. I naturally just rolled over onto my side and fell asleep.

I felt them wheel me back to the room and I could hear my family was close but I kept trying to open my eyes to see them and I just couldn’t because I was just so groggy.

I got back to my room and tried opening my eyes again and this time I could open them long enough to say hello to everyone and tell them how I felt.

I had a little bit of custard but my face was so sore and swollen from them strapping me down in the bed, I looked like ET I was so swollen.

The doctor came in and checked up on me and informed my family that the op was successful and that the op was neat and clean and shouldn’t take too long to heal.

Finally I asked – what caused the cyst because I’m not a man and I’m definitely not hairy at all?

He did say that it is very strange that I have the cyst but other causes include Trauma to the area as it isn’t a very fleshy area- there’s nothing to protect it. I must have been a chop during the week and hurt it without realizing it?

Anyway the way he explained how he cut it out sounded gross and disgusting but should recover faster than the normal time. My recovery is 3 weeks instead of 8.

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Home at last. I still look beaten up and swollen and my body feels the same. I’m resting and have been given heavy pain killers.

I still have to pull around my drain pipe for a week which is really embarrassing and exciting.

So I will be carrying my Bloody Mary around for a week and then I can have it taken out. Then the next week I can have my stitches taken out because right now they haven't stitched my hole closed, no they have stitched my bum cheeks together to protect the hole? Then I have a 15 cm needle stuck down my spine feeding my Bloody Mary cocktail attached to my ass.

Until then I will be retiring in my apartment and resting because my body feels like it’s been hit by a freight train.

Thanks to all my family and friends and MACcies who came to visit and have been sending me messages I love you all and I appreciate it!!!

Will keep everyone updated on recovery and so on :)

The Gypsy Was Here